A New Decade

As I approach the age of 40, a lot of things come to my mind.  At 19 I had my daughter.  I went from high school to being a mom.  My daughter is now in college.  A few months ago, I changed my career/job drastically.  I went from healthcare for a period of 13 years to a simple tax secretary at a locally owned family tax preparation office.  Most days I find my self wandering around in my head where I'm supposed to be at this point in my life.  Aren't most people still raising young children?  Or in the middle of this amazing career that they spent years studying for and climbing up the corporate ladder?
Recently, losing my stepfather at the young age of 61 I wonder, what have I done with myself or for myself that shows my identity.  In high school I was (insert name here)'s boyfriend.  After that I was Anna's mom, then ..............................................blank...I am April?  Who's April?
Well, this is what I have so far:
My bucket list consists of 2 items, own a Harley, and open my own business.
What I REALLY have is faith in God.  An amazing husband, a beautiful daughter and a mother that has walked right beside every step of my life.  Even the ugly ones.
I suppose this is 'my' decade, goodness knows I wouldn't want to relive any other one.  I get one shot right?  That's the most troubling part, how do I start?  Where do I go?  What do I do?  How do I get to know myself?  And is it really and truly relevant that I know who I am, if I am to live a Godly life?  And give myself fully to Him?


On another note, I have to admit I'm slightly jealous that my first best friend/cousin is only a couple months older than me and has found himself.  He knows exactly who he is.  He has a confidence that exudes from just the way he interacts with others.  He's an amazing man.  We are approaching this milestone together, yet worlds apart.  I can only hope to find a world of my own soon.  But until then, Michael, I love you so much my heart squooshes.  I miss you and I'm so happy that I get to follow your love of who you are and embrace all of your tenderness, kindness, hospitality and even accept your own faults.  I learn more and more from you every day.  You will always be my very bestest friend.  I just am super lucky that we share the same blood.