Choices vs. consequences--Part 2

There is again...
Choices vs. Consequences.
This targets our children mostly.  Something that I have pounded into Anna's brain more than any other message is that...
"To make good choices."
EVERY choice has a consequence, whether that will effect you or another person, is something you have to think about how that choice comes to fruition.


Here's a good story that proves choices vs. consequences:
We started Anna with a prepaid cell, 6th grade maybe.  For emergencies only.  To call family, in case of emergency.  With this phone came one rule.  I get to see the phone anytime I want.  Year and a half later, another phone upgrade, not a great phone, but she can call her friends, still prepaid, have to be on the same network.  Same rule applies, I ask for the phone, you hand it over.  No foul language, etc.
Freshman year...nice phone, unlimited text, NO DATA, but yes, we are now at texting level.  See she knew from the beginning what the rules were, so we went over it again, but now I gave her the consequence of a bad choice.  I ask for the phone and you hand it over. If I read something I disagree with, I will literally smash the phone with a hammer and she will not get another.   I read whenever I want, I call whoever I want.  My phone, I'm paying the bill.  Never had any problems.  One evening she walked by me texting and I said, gimme.  She handed it right over, as if nothing...WOW.  Bad words, very bad words, lots of them.  The last person she had talked to I told them that her mother had her phone and that Anna would not have a cell phone indefinitely.  The consequence was I walked outside to the garage with that phone and got a hammer.  Flattened that phone.  The more I hit it the more upset I got, because I wanted it to become little pieces.  Cell phones don't do that....they just flatten out.  Finally, my Kevin made me stop (yes, he was laughing).
I took the phone in the house, put it in a ziplock bag and threw it at her and said, "now try to text that language."


When summer came around she asked when she was getting a phone...we did not have a landline anymore.  Why, I asked?  "I'd like to talk to my friends."  So, I got a pad of paper, some envelopes, and stamps and said here ya go.


It was over a year before she got another phone, but I'm pretty sure I made a point.  I still pay her bill, but she is in college and there are more strings that have to be cut from my heart daily.  At 20, she deserves her privacy.  I just hope she remembers to make the right choices.

Depression, what a stigma, right?

"I felt two things immediately when I got the news last night: first that the light had dimmed and, on its heels, a sense that this was inevitable; that Robin had lived for a long time with a darkness at the periphery of his vision.  What must it have been like to be present when he improvised the genie in "Aladdin" or Lovelace in "Happy Feet?" His Texan, his gay stylist, his Soviet comedian, Mrs. Doubtfire…He was a one-man menagerie.  Perhaps, just as we were swept away, so was he.

I remember the small, uncontrollable chuckle that often accompanied his flights of fancy; as if he were as amazed as we were by what was happening to him.

Who can pretend to understand a gift like Robin Williams's? Meteoric, volcanic, fast and furious…Perhaps there is a price for such brilliance.

I'm so sad he's gone and so grateful he left us so much." ~ James Taylor

So, There you have it.  That stigma, that will probably remain with Robin Williams forever, instead of the amazing, hilarious, actor he was.  How many of you remember Mork and Mindy?  Mrs. Doubtfire?  Aladdin, my favorite role EVER!!  He WAS the genie.  Yet inside his mind things weren’t quite right, I would venture to guess that in his constant light it would’ve been too serious for him to be real about it and seek help.

More often than not people tell you that depression is stupid, or not real, or just an excuse.  They tell you that you have everything, that they love you.  But you know these things.  And you know truly that suicide is not good..it's very selfish.  A lot of people with depression walk around with this darkness hiding inside them.  You won't know who they are.  It's probably someone you know very well.  But they won't tell you.  The ones with the worst depression, fake the best.  I'm not talking about seasonal depression.  I'm talking chemical depression.

4 years ago I was diagnosed with chemical depression and severe anxiety.  I went to my doctor and just admitted it.  My doctor left the practice and referred me to a new doc.  This one said I had to be tested by a psychologist (yay?).  I did it, therefore, diagnosis: Severe depression with anxiety.  At this point I wanted out of my marriage,  I had thought about dying every waking moment.  I was done.  My psychologist continued to see me and my general practitioner gave me different meds to try.  After many different medications and several months of therapy, my therapist said, I think we are good, Are you good?  I wanted to hit him, no I wasn't done.  Made another appointment.  Kevin did what most husbands would never do.  He researched it.  I had every symptom.  The whole time and he never knew it.  It blew him away.  Now how to help?  That was much harder.  He went to the Internet, blogs, etc.  realizing he was doing the opposite of what was supposed to be done.  Then he changed.  Life changed.  Marraige and our family changed.

This was my life, get up, go to work, perfect employee, happy, clean, dressed, groomed, a good dependable functional employee, like  nothing was different.  I went home, went to my room slept until dinner, got up, ate with Kevin and Anna and went back to bed.   Every day for 6 months.  One day Anna was crying and Kevin walked upstairs to wake me up and ask if I knew that she was crying and I told him yes, he asked if I cared.  I said no.  There's the straw.

On a Wednesday at work one day, I had a "trigger" as they call it in the anxiety world, and started crying to the point of unable to stop.  I called Kevin, who at this point had read every book, taken over the household and made sure I was taking my meds.  Who was even counting them to make sure that 1. I was taking them and 2. I wasn't trying to over dose.  He blogged with other husbands, talked to many people he didn't know.  The only hope he had was that I got out of bed to go to work and I was taking my medicine.  When I called him, he said, call the doctor.  So I called the doctor to ask for something different for my anxiety, they asked if I was thinking of hurting myself, this time I was honest.  I was told to go to the ER immediately, do I need an ambulance?  Can I drive myself there?  I was in the ladies room flipping out.  This WAS NOT what I wanted.  Kevin was an hour away and couldn't meet me at the hospital.  He called my mom (needless to say this was the ONLY time, I didn't really want my mom. I only wanted Kevin).  My co-worker, whos also one of my dearest friends asked if I needed a ride and if I'd be ok.  Made me promise to text her when I got there.  I knew what was going to happen.  
I spent 4 weeks in outpatient rehab.  It doesn't go away, and the medications do stop working after awhile, and life sometimes makes it more situational.  But as long as one with depression wants to get better they will.  With the right medications, doctor and supportive family. 


Right now is not my best time of my life, but I have, the right doctor, new medications, and a supportive family.  But most importantly, I do want to get better.  Some days I let the depression win, but most days I fight as hard as I can. 

The real deal.....

Are you the real deal?  

By this I mean, Are you real?

There's been a lot of, what my pastor likes to call "crappies" lately.  As opposed to "happies".  These crappies are mostly happening to my almost 21 year old daughter, however, I can remember not so long ago when these things were happening to me.  If you have followed my blogs you know that Anna's Granpa has died.  They were tight.  The day before the funeral our house sale fell through.  All the while we are trying to figure out whether or not to proceed to move in with family as planned or stay in the house.  Losing a month of pay myself and knowing that I'd left a well paid job for a less stressful one, left us to believe that proceeding with moving in with family was the way to go.  At least showing it was easier.  Thinking Anna would be better after she went to school, we tried to keep her busy.  It was a long break for her.  She couldn't wait to leave.  This semester has thrown some major curve balls at her.  Another class to juggle, boyfriend, grief, etc.  

So before I go any further, are you the real deal?

Anna and I are a lot alike, you ask, we give.  I'd like to think we are the real deal.  We would go to your family's funeral and hold your hand.  We would let you cry for hours then eat pints of ice cream with you.  We would call you and say, what can I do?  And if we didn't know, as some people don't have the ability to be empathetic, we definitely would admit to our short comings and try to put ourselves in your shoes.  At least try to try to care, instead of running away from what is hard to deal with.  We bring you lunch, chocolate, neat things that make us think of you.  We give you things of our own because, why not, you love it more than we do.

So, are you the real deal?

Did you hold her hand at the funeral?

Did you listen to what your buddies said about another's marriage rather than keeping to yourself, or did you judge?

Did you eat a pint of ice cream with Anna while she cried?

Were you supportive?  Send a card, maybe some flowers?  Or even acknowledge ones existence.

This is definitely a very huge valley we are going through as a family.  All for different reasons.  My husbands friends no longer call him because he works new hours, he got a promotion today,  after one year.  These friends probably don't even know the name of where he works.  They think they knew about our troubles, but they were ours.  In our walls, in our home.  They dislike me, such a shame.  Like Anna I'd give you the shirt off my back.

Anna's boyfriend cheated on her, his reason, she was mean to him after Christmas break.  So lame.

I looked at her today and said that she had a lot of grown up decisions to make.  She agreed and said I know and I can't stop crying.  Keep praying Anna.  We will make it.  It's a valley of many we will go through and God is walking right beside us the whole way.  When we get to the end, He will still be there.  Never depend on people, they will always let you down, God will not.

I ask again, Are YOU THE REAL DEAL?