Growing up I thought everyone had 8 Aunts and Uncles, 12 cousins and a collage of laughter and fun that never ended.
As I grew up, I realized how different and very special I am to have had all these wonderful people around me.
My Grandma has just turned 80, she still works, she still plays, she still likes you to pop-in at her house and won't hesitate to ask you to help her do something she cannot do. Every lunch and supper has a dessert attached. And if she knows your favorite, that's what you're having. She married young, had 9 kids. Unfortunately, my Grandpa was in a car accident and died before I was born. She remarried later and my new Grandpa already had 3 kids. That is one big family.
Growing up, my generation was born in 2's. My cousin and I are 3 months apart. His sister and my brother the same. Then 2 more, then another, then one after another after another after another.
Most of my aunts and uncles, got divorced and remarried, brought in more kids or had more kids.
I have a LOT of cousins. This was normal to me until I became an adult and talked to friends about their family gatherings. They had 1 or 2 cousins. One aunt, maybe an uncle. WHOA!! That's just nuts! When people meet my family you are greeted with hugs and love and welcomed. We know we aren't perfect, but we are there for each other. The uncles are all tight and the aunts are all tight. They go on weekend trips together for golfing or quilting or whatever suits their fancy.
As I approach an age they were when the divorces started happening and the cousins went off to college and got married, moved away had kids. We have what we call "Cousin parties" Now these are just for the cousins. Not our parents. We do these at least once a year and get a photo of everyone that can join us as we get older. This is just our generation, not our kids. Our kids even have to stay away with our parents. It's an adult thing.
I know that our parents did this when we were younger, they had their parties, brother and sister parties, just like our cousin parties. As cousins, we wonder if they have as much fun. We imagine so. As my cousin Lucky and I are the oldest, we make sure to get ourselves together often.
I cannot put into words the comraderie of our Christmases where we actually rent a facility to hold our gathering, and how others would walk in and see this as normal to us.
I cannot imagine growing up only having one cousin.
My fondest memory growing up was how all of us would play under the giant dining room table while all our parents played cards, for hours and hours.
The family photos on Grandmas front porch swing. My Grandmas famous lasagna. The way my Grandma laughs.
It's so very true how the saying goes, your cousins are truly your first and very best friends.
So to all my cousins out there in Florida, Texas, Northern and Southern Indiana, Kentucky, I love each of you and I'm so grateful that we are as close as we are.
Stay real.
Thursday, April 2, 2015
Monday, March 23, 2015
Choices vs. consequences--Part 2
There is again...
Choices vs. Consequences.
This targets our children mostly. Something that I have pounded into Anna's brain more than any other message is that...
"To make good choices."
EVERY choice has a consequence, whether that will effect you or another person, is something you have to think about how that choice comes to fruition.
Here's a good story that proves choices vs. consequences:
We started Anna with a prepaid cell, 6th grade maybe. For emergencies only. To call family, in case of emergency. With this phone came one rule. I get to see the phone anytime I want. Year and a half later, another phone upgrade, not a great phone, but she can call her friends, still prepaid, have to be on the same network. Same rule applies, I ask for the phone, you hand it over. No foul language, etc.
Freshman year...nice phone, unlimited text, NO DATA, but yes, we are now at texting level. See she knew from the beginning what the rules were, so we went over it again, but now I gave her the consequence of a bad choice. I ask for the phone and you hand it over. If I read something I disagree with, I will literally smash the phone with a hammer and she will not get another. I read whenever I want, I call whoever I want. My phone, I'm paying the bill. Never had any problems. One evening she walked by me texting and I said, gimme. She handed it right over, as if nothing...WOW. Bad words, very bad words, lots of them. The last person she had talked to I told them that her mother had her phone and that Anna would not have a cell phone indefinitely. The consequence was I walked outside to the garage with that phone and got a hammer. Flattened that phone. The more I hit it the more upset I got, because I wanted it to become little pieces. Cell phones don't do that....they just flatten out. Finally, my Kevin made me stop (yes, he was laughing).
I took the phone in the house, put it in a ziplock bag and threw it at her and said, "now try to text that language."
When summer came around she asked when she was getting a phone...we did not have a landline anymore. Why, I asked? "I'd like to talk to my friends." So, I got a pad of paper, some envelopes, and stamps and said here ya go.
It was over a year before she got another phone, but I'm pretty sure I made a point. I still pay her bill, but she is in college and there are more strings that have to be cut from my heart daily. At 20, she deserves her privacy. I just hope she remembers to make the right choices.
Choices vs. Consequences.
This targets our children mostly. Something that I have pounded into Anna's brain more than any other message is that...
"To make good choices."
EVERY choice has a consequence, whether that will effect you or another person, is something you have to think about how that choice comes to fruition.
Here's a good story that proves choices vs. consequences:
We started Anna with a prepaid cell, 6th grade maybe. For emergencies only. To call family, in case of emergency. With this phone came one rule. I get to see the phone anytime I want. Year and a half later, another phone upgrade, not a great phone, but she can call her friends, still prepaid, have to be on the same network. Same rule applies, I ask for the phone, you hand it over. No foul language, etc.
Freshman year...nice phone, unlimited text, NO DATA, but yes, we are now at texting level. See she knew from the beginning what the rules were, so we went over it again, but now I gave her the consequence of a bad choice. I ask for the phone and you hand it over. If I read something I disagree with, I will literally smash the phone with a hammer and she will not get another. I read whenever I want, I call whoever I want. My phone, I'm paying the bill. Never had any problems. One evening she walked by me texting and I said, gimme. She handed it right over, as if nothing...WOW. Bad words, very bad words, lots of them. The last person she had talked to I told them that her mother had her phone and that Anna would not have a cell phone indefinitely. The consequence was I walked outside to the garage with that phone and got a hammer. Flattened that phone. The more I hit it the more upset I got, because I wanted it to become little pieces. Cell phones don't do that....they just flatten out. Finally, my Kevin made me stop (yes, he was laughing).
I took the phone in the house, put it in a ziplock bag and threw it at her and said, "now try to text that language."
When summer came around she asked when she was getting a phone...we did not have a landline anymore. Why, I asked? "I'd like to talk to my friends." So, I got a pad of paper, some envelopes, and stamps and said here ya go.
It was over a year before she got another phone, but I'm pretty sure I made a point. I still pay her bill, but she is in college and there are more strings that have to be cut from my heart daily. At 20, she deserves her privacy. I just hope she remembers to make the right choices.
Friday, March 20, 2015
Depression, what a stigma, right?
"I felt two things immediately when I got the news last
night: first that the light had dimmed and, on its heels, a sense that this was
inevitable; that Robin had lived for a long time with a darkness at the
periphery of his vision. What must it
have been like to be present when he improvised the genie in
"Aladdin" or Lovelace in "Happy Feet?" His Texan, his gay
stylist, his Soviet comedian, Mrs. Doubtfire…He was a one-man menagerie. Perhaps, just as we were swept away, so was
he.
I remember the small, uncontrollable chuckle that often
accompanied his flights of fancy; as if he were as amazed as we were by what
was happening to him.
Who can pretend to understand a gift like Robin Williams's?
Meteoric, volcanic, fast and furious…Perhaps there is a price for such
brilliance.
I'm so sad he's gone and so grateful he left us so
much." ~ James Taylor
So, There you have it.
That stigma, that will probably remain with Robin Williams forever,
instead of the amazing, hilarious, actor he was. How many of you remember Mork and Mindy? Mrs. Doubtfire? Aladdin, my favorite role EVER!! He WAS the genie. Yet inside his mind things weren’t quite
right, I would venture to guess that in his constant light it would’ve been too
serious for him to be real about it and seek help.
More often than not people tell you that depression is
stupid, or not real, or just an excuse. They tell you that you have everything, that they love you. But you know these things. And you know truly that suicide is not good..it's very selfish. A lot of people with depression walk around with this darkness hiding inside them. You won't know who they are. It's probably someone you know very well. But they won't tell you. The ones with the worst depression, fake the best. I'm not talking about seasonal depression. I'm talking chemical depression.
4 years ago I was diagnosed with chemical depression and severe anxiety. I went to my doctor and just admitted it. My doctor left the practice and referred me to a new doc. This one said I had to be tested by a psychologist (yay?). I did it, therefore, diagnosis: Severe depression with anxiety. At this point I wanted out of my marriage, I had thought about dying every waking moment. I was done. My psychologist continued to see me and my general practitioner gave me different meds to try. After many different medications and several months of therapy, my therapist said, I think we are good, Are you good? I wanted to hit him, no I wasn't done. Made another appointment. Kevin did what most husbands would never do. He researched it. I had every symptom. The whole time and he never knew it. It blew him away. Now how to help? That was much harder. He went to the Internet, blogs, etc. realizing he was doing the opposite of what was supposed to be done. Then he changed. Life changed. Marraige and our family changed.
This was my life, get up, go to work, perfect employee, happy, clean, dressed, groomed, a good dependable functional employee, like nothing was different. I went home, went to my room slept until dinner, got up, ate with Kevin and Anna and went back to bed. Every day for 6 months. One day Anna was crying and Kevin walked upstairs to wake me up and ask if I knew that she was crying and I told him yes, he asked if I cared. I said no. There's the straw.
On a Wednesday at work one day, I had a "trigger" as they call it in the anxiety world, and started crying to the point of unable to stop. I called Kevin, who at this point had read every book, taken over the household and made sure I was taking my meds. Who was even counting them to make sure that 1. I was taking them and 2. I wasn't trying to over dose. He blogged with other husbands, talked to many people he didn't know. The only hope he had was that I got out of bed to go to work and I was taking my medicine. When I called him, he said, call the doctor. So I called the doctor to ask for something different for my anxiety, they asked if I was thinking of hurting myself, this time I was honest. I was told to go to the ER immediately, do I need an ambulance? Can I drive myself there? I was in the ladies room flipping out. This WAS NOT what I wanted. Kevin was an hour away and couldn't meet me at the hospital. He called my mom (needless to say this was the ONLY time, I didn't really want my mom. I only wanted Kevin). My co-worker, whos also one of my dearest friends asked if I needed a ride and if I'd be ok. Made me promise to text her when I got there. I knew what was going to happen.
I spent 4 weeks in outpatient rehab. It doesn't go away, and the medications do stop working after awhile, and life sometimes makes it more situational. But as long as one with depression wants to get better they will. With the right medications, doctor and supportive family.
Right now is not my best time of my life, but I have, the right doctor, new medications, and a supportive family. But most importantly, I do want to get better. Some days I let the depression win, but most days I fight as hard as I can.
I spent 4 weeks in outpatient rehab. It doesn't go away, and the medications do stop working after awhile, and life sometimes makes it more situational. But as long as one with depression wants to get better they will. With the right medications, doctor and supportive family.
Right now is not my best time of my life, but I have, the right doctor, new medications, and a supportive family. But most importantly, I do want to get better. Some days I let the depression win, but most days I fight as hard as I can.
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
The real deal.....
Are you the real deal?
By this I mean, Are you real?
There's been a lot of, what my pastor likes to call "crappies" lately. As opposed to "happies". These crappies are mostly happening to my almost 21 year old daughter, however, I can remember not so long ago when these things were happening to me. If you have followed my blogs you know that Anna's Granpa has died. They were tight. The day before the funeral our house sale fell through. All the while we are trying to figure out whether or not to proceed to move in with family as planned or stay in the house. Losing a month of pay myself and knowing that I'd left a well paid job for a less stressful one, left us to believe that proceeding with moving in with family was the way to go. At least showing it was easier. Thinking Anna would be better after she went to school, we tried to keep her busy. It was a long break for her. She couldn't wait to leave. This semester has thrown some major curve balls at her. Another class to juggle, boyfriend, grief, etc.
So before I go any further, are you the real deal?
Anna and I are a lot alike, you ask, we give. I'd like to think we are the real deal. We would go to your family's funeral and hold your hand. We would let you cry for hours then eat pints of ice cream with you. We would call you and say, what can I do? And if we didn't know, as some people don't have the ability to be empathetic, we definitely would admit to our short comings and try to put ourselves in your shoes. At least try to try to care, instead of running away from what is hard to deal with. We bring you lunch, chocolate, neat things that make us think of you. We give you things of our own because, why not, you love it more than we do.
So, are you the real deal?
Did you hold her hand at the funeral?
Did you listen to what your buddies said about another's marriage rather than keeping to yourself, or did you judge?
Did you eat a pint of ice cream with Anna while she cried?
Were you supportive? Send a card, maybe some flowers? Or even acknowledge ones existence.
This is definitely a very huge valley we are going through as a family. All for different reasons. My husbands friends no longer call him because he works new hours, he got a promotion today, after one year. These friends probably don't even know the name of where he works. They think they knew about our troubles, but they were ours. In our walls, in our home. They dislike me, such a shame. Like Anna I'd give you the shirt off my back.
Anna's boyfriend cheated on her, his reason, she was mean to him after Christmas break. So lame.
I looked at her today and said that she had a lot of grown up decisions to make. She agreed and said I know and I can't stop crying. Keep praying Anna. We will make it. It's a valley of many we will go through and God is walking right beside us the whole way. When we get to the end, He will still be there. Never depend on people, they will always let you down, God will not.
I ask again, Are YOU THE REAL DEAL?
Friday, February 27, 2015
A New Decade
As I approach the age of 40, a lot of things come to my mind. At 19 I had my daughter. I went from high school to being a mom. My daughter is now in college. A few months ago, I changed my career/job drastically. I went from healthcare for a period of 13 years to a simple tax secretary at a locally owned family tax preparation office. Most days I find my self wandering around in my head where I'm supposed to be at this point in my life. Aren't most people still raising young children? Or in the middle of this amazing career that they spent years studying for and climbing up the corporate ladder?
Recently, losing my stepfather at the young age of 61 I wonder, what have I done with myself or for myself that shows my identity. In high school I was (insert name here)'s boyfriend. After that I was Anna's mom, then ..............................................blank...I am April? Who's April?
Well, this is what I have so far:
My bucket list consists of 2 items, own a Harley, and open my own business.
What I REALLY have is faith in God. An amazing husband, a beautiful daughter and a mother that has walked right beside every step of my life. Even the ugly ones.
I suppose this is 'my' decade, goodness knows I wouldn't want to relive any other one. I get one shot right? That's the most troubling part, how do I start? Where do I go? What do I do? How do I get to know myself? And is it really and truly relevant that I know who I am, if I am to live a Godly life? And give myself fully to Him?
On another note, I have to admit I'm slightly jealous that my first best friend/cousin is only a couple months older than me and has found himself. He knows exactly who he is. He has a confidence that exudes from just the way he interacts with others. He's an amazing man. We are approaching this milestone together, yet worlds apart. I can only hope to find a world of my own soon. But until then, Michael, I love you so much my heart squooshes. I miss you and I'm so happy that I get to follow your love of who you are and embrace all of your tenderness, kindness, hospitality and even accept your own faults. I learn more and more from you every day. You will always be my very bestest friend. I just am super lucky that we share the same blood.
Recently, losing my stepfather at the young age of 61 I wonder, what have I done with myself or for myself that shows my identity. In high school I was (insert name here)'s boyfriend. After that I was Anna's mom, then ..............................................blank...I am April? Who's April?
Well, this is what I have so far:
My bucket list consists of 2 items, own a Harley, and open my own business.
What I REALLY have is faith in God. An amazing husband, a beautiful daughter and a mother that has walked right beside every step of my life. Even the ugly ones.
I suppose this is 'my' decade, goodness knows I wouldn't want to relive any other one. I get one shot right? That's the most troubling part, how do I start? Where do I go? What do I do? How do I get to know myself? And is it really and truly relevant that I know who I am, if I am to live a Godly life? And give myself fully to Him?
On another note, I have to admit I'm slightly jealous that my first best friend/cousin is only a couple months older than me and has found himself. He knows exactly who he is. He has a confidence that exudes from just the way he interacts with others. He's an amazing man. We are approaching this milestone together, yet worlds apart. I can only hope to find a world of my own soon. But until then, Michael, I love you so much my heart squooshes. I miss you and I'm so happy that I get to follow your love of who you are and embrace all of your tenderness, kindness, hospitality and even accept your own faults. I learn more and more from you every day. You will always be my very bestest friend. I just am super lucky that we share the same blood.
Tuesday, February 17, 2015
Tuesdays.....
Never was a fan of Tuesdays. People always asked me why....well...
Monday---its a great opportunity to have a new week, a better week, a better weekend, think of it like a new years day? right?
Wed--You are half way there, to the weekend. Hopefully the better week has happened. Maybe you have something to look forward to on Wednesdays'....a club, bible study, visit with family.
Thurs--well, we all know that Thursday is the day that big things happen. you have to end the week with a big mark. So you push yourself, knowing that Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, you did nothing to change a life, change your life, or make a difference. Thursday is your chance.
Friday....IT'S FRIDAY!!! which is great if you are a Mon-Fri worker, but all the action is on Friday and Saturday, Friends, Family, Church, naps, extra time.
What's Tuesday? Just an extra 24 hours stuck in the front of the week, that you should have used to do something productive, but did you? NOPE!!
Keith died on a Tuesday. I will probably never be productive in the sense that 'productive' means, but I will always grieve his loss more on a Tuesday.
Monday---its a great opportunity to have a new week, a better week, a better weekend, think of it like a new years day? right?
Wed--You are half way there, to the weekend. Hopefully the better week has happened. Maybe you have something to look forward to on Wednesdays'....a club, bible study, visit with family.
Thurs--well, we all know that Thursday is the day that big things happen. you have to end the week with a big mark. So you push yourself, knowing that Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, you did nothing to change a life, change your life, or make a difference. Thursday is your chance.
Friday....IT'S FRIDAY!!! which is great if you are a Mon-Fri worker, but all the action is on Friday and Saturday, Friends, Family, Church, naps, extra time.
What's Tuesday? Just an extra 24 hours stuck in the front of the week, that you should have used to do something productive, but did you? NOPE!!
Keith died on a Tuesday. I will probably never be productive in the sense that 'productive' means, but I will always grieve his loss more on a Tuesday.
Friday, February 13, 2015
Lyrics of a lifetime
When paradise is no longer fit for you to live in
And your adolescent dreams are gone
Through the days you feel a little used up
And you don't know where your energy's gone wrong
It's just your soul feelin' a little downhearted
Sometimes life is too ridiculous to live
You count your friends all on one finger
I know it sounds crazy just the way that we live
Between a laugh and a tear
Smile in the mirror as you walk by
Between a laugh and a tear
And that's as good as it can get for us
And there ain't no reason to stop tryin'
When this cardboard town can no longer amuse you
You see through everything and nothin' seems worthwhile
And hypocrite used to be such a big word to you
And it don't seem to mean anything to you now
Just try to live each and every precious moment
Don't be discouraged by the future forget the past
That's old advise but it'll be good to you
I know there's a balance see it when I swing past
Between a laugh and a tear
Smile in the mirror as you walk by
Between a laugh and a tear
And that's as good as it can get for us
And there ain't no reason to stop tryin'
"Between a Laugh and a Tear"--John Mellencamp
This song best describes every moment in our lives at one time or another. Now I'm not the biggest Mellencamp fan, that would be my husband's influence. However, Mr. Mellencamp does have some great lyrics, about life. Personally, I'm a Dave Matthews kinda girl, but there's just too many songs that I love. But not a ton of lyrics that speak about life, maybe me personally. But not LIFE.
I was introduced to music by my stepdad, Keith. Buffalo Springfield "For What It's Worth" was the first song he made me listen to. Then explained what it was about and said, 'I want this played at my funeral.' We did. Then there was some Dan Fogelberg, Cat Stevens (meh), James Taylor. The list goes on and on. My husband really got me into music, but mostly now it is about the lyrics. Do the words mean anything? Or is it just a little "Mr. Brownstone"-GNR?
Kevin (my husband) taught me that the worst looking musicians are the best writers. Look at Steve Earle? Love his lyrics, not a fan of the music, but I love what he writes about. Bruce Springstein? I'd love to ask him about some of his songs. How about The Who? U-G-L-Y...but, Kevin says they are awesome, I could do without. Do you like a little U2? Did you know a lot of their songs have some type of Christian reference? (Where the streets have no name?). By the way, he also thinks that Prince is the most underrated guitar player EVER!!!!
Everyone has a song, a lyric and usually those change as life goes on, but since the first day my husband played his guitar and sang Between a Laugh and a Tear, it fits every second of my life.
And your adolescent dreams are gone
Through the days you feel a little used up
And you don't know where your energy's gone wrong
It's just your soul feelin' a little downhearted
Sometimes life is too ridiculous to live
You count your friends all on one finger
I know it sounds crazy just the way that we live
Between a laugh and a tear
Smile in the mirror as you walk by
Between a laugh and a tear
And that's as good as it can get for us
And there ain't no reason to stop tryin'
When this cardboard town can no longer amuse you
You see through everything and nothin' seems worthwhile
And hypocrite used to be such a big word to you
And it don't seem to mean anything to you now
Just try to live each and every precious moment
Don't be discouraged by the future forget the past
That's old advise but it'll be good to you
I know there's a balance see it when I swing past
Between a laugh and a tear
Smile in the mirror as you walk by
Between a laugh and a tear
And that's as good as it can get for us
And there ain't no reason to stop tryin'
"Between a Laugh and a Tear"--John Mellencamp
This song best describes every moment in our lives at one time or another. Now I'm not the biggest Mellencamp fan, that would be my husband's influence. However, Mr. Mellencamp does have some great lyrics, about life. Personally, I'm a Dave Matthews kinda girl, but there's just too many songs that I love. But not a ton of lyrics that speak about life, maybe me personally. But not LIFE.
I was introduced to music by my stepdad, Keith. Buffalo Springfield "For What It's Worth" was the first song he made me listen to. Then explained what it was about and said, 'I want this played at my funeral.' We did. Then there was some Dan Fogelberg, Cat Stevens (meh), James Taylor. The list goes on and on. My husband really got me into music, but mostly now it is about the lyrics. Do the words mean anything? Or is it just a little "Mr. Brownstone"-GNR?
Kevin (my husband) taught me that the worst looking musicians are the best writers. Look at Steve Earle? Love his lyrics, not a fan of the music, but I love what he writes about. Bruce Springstein? I'd love to ask him about some of his songs. How about The Who? U-G-L-Y...but, Kevin says they are awesome, I could do without. Do you like a little U2? Did you know a lot of their songs have some type of Christian reference? (Where the streets have no name?). By the way, he also thinks that Prince is the most underrated guitar player EVER!!!!
Everyone has a song, a lyric and usually those change as life goes on, but since the first day my husband played his guitar and sang Between a Laugh and a Tear, it fits every second of my life.
Friday, February 6, 2015
Choices vs. Consequences--Part 1
I'm going to share a story with you.
There was this girl, and on her 21st birthday all her friends took her camping. This will be so much fun everyone said. Her boyfriend said we can get some liquor and a couple joints, get high around the fire. Okay, this really wasn't much different than most nights except they went camping.
Here's the scene: 3 couples, all early 20's. One says to the girl, "I got you something special for your birthday." She asks what. Cocaine he says, 'you're gonna love it!" She said, "not interested really, not my thing."
"Have you ever tried it?"
"No"
"How do you know?"
"Just not interested, can't we just smoke a joint?"
"Sure after we do this line."
Then everyone else is chiming in:
"you'll love it." "it's great."
"You can't get addicted with one line!"
"come on, come on"
"Chicken!!-It's your birthday."
Peer pressure won, she liked it. It was a good time. It was a HER choice to give in to the peer pressure. A CHOICE.
Fast forward 20 years later: She's clean, has a good kid, great life, good job, husband, etc. But needs a quick $400 for her hobby. Her daughter says, "Come on, come with me we will donate plasma together!!! It's safe and you'll have your money in 5 weeks. And its for a good cause"
"Hmmmmm...never thought of that. Definitely easier than getting another job. Ok, she said."
At the plasma center it's not like you just walk in and donate blood, it's much, much more intricate. You have to watch videos, answer a bunch of questions, go through a short physical, make sure your heart rate is good, protein and iron are all good numbers.
During the question session, you are asked a series of questions similar to donating, however, one question stopped her "Have you ever snorted cocaine up your nose?"
This is the scenario in her head (20 yrs ago? who's gonna know? does it matter? do I care?) Then came the judgement-(look at all these people here...just to get a fix, why should she answer yes?)
The CHOICE was hers. She answered Yes. A CHOICE!
Get through the heart rate, blood pressure check, daughter cheering her on, go in for the physical and the nurse says....'oh no, honey, I'm so sorry. We've all done it.'
She quietly asks "it's because I answered yes to the cocaine question, isn't it?'
Nurse, "Yes, but it's ok, we really have all tried it, it's ok. I can see that you are cleaned up, I know your daughter. It happens, peer pressure.--But I'm sorry you cannot donate."
There I sit, in my work clothes that represent where I work, my 19 year old daughter in line behind the door waiting, cheering me on. Excited that I'm going to get a new sewing machine. And I'm crying like a 2 year old, ashamed by my choices, but understanding the consequences.
Leaving quickly, so as to not be seen, my daughter asks what is wrong and I just say that we will talk when she gets home. I love you Anna. Love you too Mom. It'll be ok.
No matter what, there's always a choice, and for every choice somewhere down that line there will be a consequence.
Think about the next thing you do, and decide how the CHOICE might effect YOUR CONSEQUENCES later in life.
There was this girl, and on her 21st birthday all her friends took her camping. This will be so much fun everyone said. Her boyfriend said we can get some liquor and a couple joints, get high around the fire. Okay, this really wasn't much different than most nights except they went camping.
Here's the scene: 3 couples, all early 20's. One says to the girl, "I got you something special for your birthday." She asks what. Cocaine he says, 'you're gonna love it!" She said, "not interested really, not my thing."
"Have you ever tried it?"
"No"
"How do you know?"
"Just not interested, can't we just smoke a joint?"
"Sure after we do this line."
Then everyone else is chiming in:
"you'll love it." "it's great."
"You can't get addicted with one line!"
"come on, come on"
"Chicken!!-It's your birthday."
Peer pressure won, she liked it. It was a good time. It was a HER choice to give in to the peer pressure. A CHOICE.
Fast forward 20 years later: She's clean, has a good kid, great life, good job, husband, etc. But needs a quick $400 for her hobby. Her daughter says, "Come on, come with me we will donate plasma together!!! It's safe and you'll have your money in 5 weeks. And its for a good cause"
"Hmmmmm...never thought of that. Definitely easier than getting another job. Ok, she said."
At the plasma center it's not like you just walk in and donate blood, it's much, much more intricate. You have to watch videos, answer a bunch of questions, go through a short physical, make sure your heart rate is good, protein and iron are all good numbers.
During the question session, you are asked a series of questions similar to donating, however, one question stopped her "Have you ever snorted cocaine up your nose?"
This is the scenario in her head (20 yrs ago? who's gonna know? does it matter? do I care?) Then came the judgement-(look at all these people here...just to get a fix, why should she answer yes?)
The CHOICE was hers. She answered Yes. A CHOICE!
Get through the heart rate, blood pressure check, daughter cheering her on, go in for the physical and the nurse says....'oh no, honey, I'm so sorry. We've all done it.'
She quietly asks "it's because I answered yes to the cocaine question, isn't it?'
Nurse, "Yes, but it's ok, we really have all tried it, it's ok. I can see that you are cleaned up, I know your daughter. It happens, peer pressure.--But I'm sorry you cannot donate."
There I sit, in my work clothes that represent where I work, my 19 year old daughter in line behind the door waiting, cheering me on. Excited that I'm going to get a new sewing machine. And I'm crying like a 2 year old, ashamed by my choices, but understanding the consequences.
Leaving quickly, so as to not be seen, my daughter asks what is wrong and I just say that we will talk when she gets home. I love you Anna. Love you too Mom. It'll be ok.
No matter what, there's always a choice, and for every choice somewhere down that line there will be a consequence.
Think about the next thing you do, and decide how the CHOICE might effect YOUR CONSEQUENCES later in life.
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
That one moment
Do you remember that one time (at band camp)-that the words you said came out of your mouth and you wanted to sink into a hole? Maybe that happens a lot. My dad taught me to think before I speak, and for the most part I do.
But what about that one moment you walked away and didn't tell someone how you really felt. See I have a brother who is one cool dude, but he doesn't talk much. It's just part of his personality and there are a lot of times I feel really stupid by saying I love you. But if I walk out that door without saying, I regret it every time. I tell everyone else I love them every time I see them. His response is usually a grunt, it kinda stings, we save ourselves these little pricks. Don't we?
Here's a story about my amazing mother-in-law, Doris. Before we go on, let me tell you she is really amazing. I really, really got lucky. As sweet as they come as long as you don't hurt her kids or grandkids...
I only know this story by bits and pieces from what my husband has told me and I will definitely spare any negativity, but my only wish is to make one think about what they say, or how they act.
Doris has 2 brothers, both older. One lives next door, the other has passed away in recent years. When my husband was much younger there was a family tiff--oh, this happens all the time I know--but, this brother chose to stay away from his sister and her kids. My husband, Kevin, is pretty sure that if his uncle had been around more they'd have been really, really tight. But the story is about how this affected Doris. She talked to him on the phone occasionally, but things never got right again. Until the last couple years, he moved back to the homefront. Kevin and I had been married several years, daughter, grandkids all in high school. Nephews all grown up. He went in for a routine procedure, bypass surgery. He died 3 days later. Her loss was incredible. Not only for the life, but for the years lost. She still has a message on her answering machine, he told her he loved her.
So, before you walk out that door angry, before you get mad at something that will mean nothing in 2 days or 2 weeks. If that person means anything to you, just apologize, talk it out. Communication. And please think about the consequences you may cause by your actions.
But what about that one moment you walked away and didn't tell someone how you really felt. See I have a brother who is one cool dude, but he doesn't talk much. It's just part of his personality and there are a lot of times I feel really stupid by saying I love you. But if I walk out that door without saying, I regret it every time. I tell everyone else I love them every time I see them. His response is usually a grunt, it kinda stings, we save ourselves these little pricks. Don't we?
Here's a story about my amazing mother-in-law, Doris. Before we go on, let me tell you she is really amazing. I really, really got lucky. As sweet as they come as long as you don't hurt her kids or grandkids...
I only know this story by bits and pieces from what my husband has told me and I will definitely spare any negativity, but my only wish is to make one think about what they say, or how they act.
Doris has 2 brothers, both older. One lives next door, the other has passed away in recent years. When my husband was much younger there was a family tiff--oh, this happens all the time I know--but, this brother chose to stay away from his sister and her kids. My husband, Kevin, is pretty sure that if his uncle had been around more they'd have been really, really tight. But the story is about how this affected Doris. She talked to him on the phone occasionally, but things never got right again. Until the last couple years, he moved back to the homefront. Kevin and I had been married several years, daughter, grandkids all in high school. Nephews all grown up. He went in for a routine procedure, bypass surgery. He died 3 days later. Her loss was incredible. Not only for the life, but for the years lost. She still has a message on her answering machine, he told her he loved her.
So, before you walk out that door angry, before you get mad at something that will mean nothing in 2 days or 2 weeks. If that person means anything to you, just apologize, talk it out. Communication. And please think about the consequences you may cause by your actions.
Friday, January 23, 2015
Out of sight, Out of mind
Out of sight, out of mind.
So many people live this way. Does that mean that they refuse God? He is out of sight. Do we only see Him when we are at church? When we see a cross? Or when, perhaps, someone asks us to pray for a loved one?
Here's another question, do you really take the time out to pray for that loved one? Or is it just an automatic reply? Do you stop that moment, no matter what you are doing and say a prayer? Or again, out of sight, out of mind. You mean well. I find myself jotting down peoples names or a note, that means nothing to someone who sees it, but to me it is a reminder. Pray for them.
We don't see Satan, yet we believe in his works more than The Lord's work. Why is that? Is it really easier to believe and follow the bad, than to follow the word of the Bible. Again, both are out of sight, but perhaps not out of mind.
This phrase has been in my mind a lot lately, and a lot over the last 5-6 years. I see fatherless children, out of sight, out of mind. I see brothers and sisters, not communicating. Out of sight, out of mind. Or maybe it's a split second thought and you chose to push it away. Maybe you really have good intentions.
Best friends....Women seem to be more out of sight, but never out of mind.
Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, these are the people of your life that have been there, that make you who you are.
Let's go back to God and try to remember to focus more on the out of sight. Remember to pray for those you casually say 'I'll say a prayer for you and your family.' Keep at the forefront of your mind who the great Creator is, and He is in your sights, if only you will just be quiet, be still you will hear Him telling you how to do His work. You will hear what He is asking of you.
I think perhaps we should all be more aware of our minds, not our sights.
So many people live this way. Does that mean that they refuse God? He is out of sight. Do we only see Him when we are at church? When we see a cross? Or when, perhaps, someone asks us to pray for a loved one?
Here's another question, do you really take the time out to pray for that loved one? Or is it just an automatic reply? Do you stop that moment, no matter what you are doing and say a prayer? Or again, out of sight, out of mind. You mean well. I find myself jotting down peoples names or a note, that means nothing to someone who sees it, but to me it is a reminder. Pray for them.
We don't see Satan, yet we believe in his works more than The Lord's work. Why is that? Is it really easier to believe and follow the bad, than to follow the word of the Bible. Again, both are out of sight, but perhaps not out of mind.
This phrase has been in my mind a lot lately, and a lot over the last 5-6 years. I see fatherless children, out of sight, out of mind. I see brothers and sisters, not communicating. Out of sight, out of mind. Or maybe it's a split second thought and you chose to push it away. Maybe you really have good intentions.
Best friends....Women seem to be more out of sight, but never out of mind.
Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, these are the people of your life that have been there, that make you who you are.
Let's go back to God and try to remember to focus more on the out of sight. Remember to pray for those you casually say 'I'll say a prayer for you and your family.' Keep at the forefront of your mind who the great Creator is, and He is in your sights, if only you will just be quiet, be still you will hear Him telling you how to do His work. You will hear what He is asking of you.
I think perhaps we should all be more aware of our minds, not our sights.
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
When your heart catches up
Recently, I lost my stepfather. Now I know, most of you are like, eh....stepparents suck. I got lucky. Both my mother and father married great people. My mom remarried when i was 13. His name is Keith. He was a very big dude with an earring and a ponytail. Carried a gun and loved my mom more than life itself. He had an amazing sense of humor. He taught my brother and I how to laugh at our own mistakes. How to not be worried about others thoughts of us. He came with no kids, or knowledge of kids. But didn't hesitate to open his heart to us and marry the full package. (interestingly enough, my husband did the same thing). I had always asked my mom if there were any more Keith's out there for me.
Keith would sing with my mom in public places, he'd dance with her to elevator music. He made her laugh all the time. My mom is so beautiful and laughing just made her even more so.
After many years, Keith became ill. He has had several illnesses and perhaps through this blog I will share some of these diagnosis with you.
Keith James Doughty went to The Lord on December 16, 2014 at the young age of 61. The doctors told us there wasn't much more they could do. We called hospice, less than 24 hours later he was gone.
I have a brother who's currently living with my mom, a blessing in disguise. However, he was there at Keiths worst and saw how bad he was. His role, became to keep mom grounded. 'Mom, are you wearing shoes? Mom, you need to eat. Mom, what bills need to be paid?' He drove her to the places that had to be visited. His role, again, to take care of Mom.
I have a 20 year old daughter, that was his biggest buddy. The only grandchild. She's in her 2nd year of college. During Thanksgiving Break he was in quarantine due to chemo treatments and she couldn't hug him. She begged for 2 more weeks, get through finals, so she could see him again. He was still in the hospital the day she came home for Christmas Break. She never left his side. She got 2 good days, lots of hugs, tears, and advice from her Granpa. 'Don't be sad, don't you be sad, well, maybe you can be a little sad, but don't you be sad!!!'
I think this is the longest holiday break of her life. There were no gifts, no trees, no Thanksgiving, no Christmas.
My role, make the phone calls, make the arrangements. Make sure my brother knew where my mom needed to be and when. My role, take care of the big stuff. I carried the same pen and notebook around for 5 days. Everything is in it, from phone numbers to carry out orders, to the list of songs played at the funeral. My role, stay strong, no faultering. Make sure every detail is right. My role, the thank you cards. These are slow going out and I'm sorry for that. My role, do not flip out.
I stopped by my mom's house the other day to pick up something my daughter left at her home. This was the first day after the holidays, she came home to an empty house. My brother went back to work. She was crying. As I held her she said to me:
"Your brain can trick you into thinking he's still in the hospital, or at home taking a nap, or he is in the hospital. But then your heart catches up and you realize that he's gone.'
She said 'How am I supposed to live without him?'
I do not have these answers, nor do I have the answers to my own questions.
My heart is catching up too.
Keith would sing with my mom in public places, he'd dance with her to elevator music. He made her laugh all the time. My mom is so beautiful and laughing just made her even more so.
After many years, Keith became ill. He has had several illnesses and perhaps through this blog I will share some of these diagnosis with you.
Keith James Doughty went to The Lord on December 16, 2014 at the young age of 61. The doctors told us there wasn't much more they could do. We called hospice, less than 24 hours later he was gone.
I have a brother who's currently living with my mom, a blessing in disguise. However, he was there at Keiths worst and saw how bad he was. His role, became to keep mom grounded. 'Mom, are you wearing shoes? Mom, you need to eat. Mom, what bills need to be paid?' He drove her to the places that had to be visited. His role, again, to take care of Mom.
I have a 20 year old daughter, that was his biggest buddy. The only grandchild. She's in her 2nd year of college. During Thanksgiving Break he was in quarantine due to chemo treatments and she couldn't hug him. She begged for 2 more weeks, get through finals, so she could see him again. He was still in the hospital the day she came home for Christmas Break. She never left his side. She got 2 good days, lots of hugs, tears, and advice from her Granpa. 'Don't be sad, don't you be sad, well, maybe you can be a little sad, but don't you be sad!!!'
I think this is the longest holiday break of her life. There were no gifts, no trees, no Thanksgiving, no Christmas.
My role, make the phone calls, make the arrangements. Make sure my brother knew where my mom needed to be and when. My role, take care of the big stuff. I carried the same pen and notebook around for 5 days. Everything is in it, from phone numbers to carry out orders, to the list of songs played at the funeral. My role, stay strong, no faultering. Make sure every detail is right. My role, the thank you cards. These are slow going out and I'm sorry for that. My role, do not flip out.
I stopped by my mom's house the other day to pick up something my daughter left at her home. This was the first day after the holidays, she came home to an empty house. My brother went back to work. She was crying. As I held her she said to me:
"Your brain can trick you into thinking he's still in the hospital, or at home taking a nap, or he is in the hospital. But then your heart catches up and you realize that he's gone.'
She said 'How am I supposed to live without him?'
I do not have these answers, nor do I have the answers to my own questions.
My heart is catching up too.
Monday, January 5, 2015
How it began
I am 39 years old. 11 years ago my husband asked me to marry him on my birthday. I said yes on the terms that I would only marry him if he agreed to get married on New Year's Eve. Sounded silly to him, and he asked me why. See I'd been married twice before. My response, a New Year, a New Beginning, a New Life. I knew he was the one. It had to be done right. My daughter was almost 8. He had never even dated a girl with a child, now he was asking for an instant family. BAM!! Not an easy decision. I've only known one other woman that married the man that was perfect for her, that is my mom.
After 11 years, some good, some bad we've grown into a relationship with God we never even dreamed was possible. Which in turn gave us the opportunity to fall in love with each other even more, every day.
This blog is an idea of his. Evidently, he believes I have things to share that other people might want to know. So today, I begin my journey. I'm not a writer, nor have I had the desire to be so. However, I am a realist, and have the ability to look at the view from someone else's shoes almost too easily. Very seldom do I have anything profound to say. Again, my husband believes that I should jump on this ship and ride it out. Why not right? What do I have to lose?
After 11 years, some good, some bad we've grown into a relationship with God we never even dreamed was possible. Which in turn gave us the opportunity to fall in love with each other even more, every day.
This blog is an idea of his. Evidently, he believes I have things to share that other people might want to know. So today, I begin my journey. I'm not a writer, nor have I had the desire to be so. However, I am a realist, and have the ability to look at the view from someone else's shoes almost too easily. Very seldom do I have anything profound to say. Again, my husband believes that I should jump on this ship and ride it out. Why not right? What do I have to lose?
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