When paradise is no longer fit for you to live in
And your adolescent dreams are gone
Through the days you feel a little used up
And you don't know where your energy's gone wrong
It's just your soul feelin' a little downhearted
Sometimes life is too ridiculous to live
You count your friends all on one finger
I know it sounds crazy just the way that we live
Between a laugh and a tear
Smile in the mirror as you walk by
Between a laugh and a tear
And that's as good as it can get for us
And there ain't no reason to stop tryin'
When this cardboard town can no longer amuse you
You see through everything and nothin' seems worthwhile
And hypocrite used to be such a big word to you
And it don't seem to mean anything to you now
Just try to live each and every precious moment
Don't be discouraged by the future forget the past
That's old advise but it'll be good to you
I know there's a balance see it when I swing past
Between a laugh and a tear
Smile in the mirror as you walk by
Between a laugh and a tear
And that's as good as it can get for us
And there ain't no reason to stop tryin'
"Between a Laugh and a Tear"--John Mellencamp
This song best describes every moment in our lives at one time or another. Now I'm not the biggest Mellencamp fan, that would be my husband's influence. However, Mr. Mellencamp does have some great lyrics, about life. Personally, I'm a Dave Matthews kinda girl, but there's just too many songs that I love. But not a ton of lyrics that speak about life, maybe me personally. But not LIFE.
I was introduced to music by my stepdad, Keith. Buffalo Springfield "For What It's Worth" was the first song he made me listen to. Then explained what it was about and said, 'I want this played at my funeral.' We did. Then there was some Dan Fogelberg, Cat Stevens (meh), James Taylor. The list goes on and on. My husband really got me into music, but mostly now it is about the lyrics. Do the words mean anything? Or is it just a little "Mr. Brownstone"-GNR?
Kevin (my husband) taught me that the worst looking musicians are the best writers. Look at Steve Earle? Love his lyrics, not a fan of the music, but I love what he writes about. Bruce Springstein? I'd love to ask him about some of his songs. How about The Who? U-G-L-Y...but, Kevin says they are awesome, I could do without. Do you like a little U2? Did you know a lot of their songs have some type of Christian reference? (Where the streets have no name?). By the way, he also thinks that Prince is the most underrated guitar player EVER!!!!
Everyone has a song, a lyric and usually those change as life goes on, but since the first day my husband played his guitar and sang Between a Laugh and a Tear, it fits every second of my life.
Friday, February 13, 2015
Friday, February 6, 2015
Choices vs. Consequences--Part 1
I'm going to share a story with you.
There was this girl, and on her 21st birthday all her friends took her camping. This will be so much fun everyone said. Her boyfriend said we can get some liquor and a couple joints, get high around the fire. Okay, this really wasn't much different than most nights except they went camping.
Here's the scene: 3 couples, all early 20's. One says to the girl, "I got you something special for your birthday." She asks what. Cocaine he says, 'you're gonna love it!" She said, "not interested really, not my thing."
"Have you ever tried it?"
"No"
"How do you know?"
"Just not interested, can't we just smoke a joint?"
"Sure after we do this line."
Then everyone else is chiming in:
"you'll love it." "it's great."
"You can't get addicted with one line!"
"come on, come on"
"Chicken!!-It's your birthday."
Peer pressure won, she liked it. It was a good time. It was a HER choice to give in to the peer pressure. A CHOICE.
Fast forward 20 years later: She's clean, has a good kid, great life, good job, husband, etc. But needs a quick $400 for her hobby. Her daughter says, "Come on, come with me we will donate plasma together!!! It's safe and you'll have your money in 5 weeks. And its for a good cause"
"Hmmmmm...never thought of that. Definitely easier than getting another job. Ok, she said."
At the plasma center it's not like you just walk in and donate blood, it's much, much more intricate. You have to watch videos, answer a bunch of questions, go through a short physical, make sure your heart rate is good, protein and iron are all good numbers.
During the question session, you are asked a series of questions similar to donating, however, one question stopped her "Have you ever snorted cocaine up your nose?"
This is the scenario in her head (20 yrs ago? who's gonna know? does it matter? do I care?) Then came the judgement-(look at all these people here...just to get a fix, why should she answer yes?)
The CHOICE was hers. She answered Yes. A CHOICE!
Get through the heart rate, blood pressure check, daughter cheering her on, go in for the physical and the nurse says....'oh no, honey, I'm so sorry. We've all done it.'
She quietly asks "it's because I answered yes to the cocaine question, isn't it?'
Nurse, "Yes, but it's ok, we really have all tried it, it's ok. I can see that you are cleaned up, I know your daughter. It happens, peer pressure.--But I'm sorry you cannot donate."
There I sit, in my work clothes that represent where I work, my 19 year old daughter in line behind the door waiting, cheering me on. Excited that I'm going to get a new sewing machine. And I'm crying like a 2 year old, ashamed by my choices, but understanding the consequences.
Leaving quickly, so as to not be seen, my daughter asks what is wrong and I just say that we will talk when she gets home. I love you Anna. Love you too Mom. It'll be ok.
No matter what, there's always a choice, and for every choice somewhere down that line there will be a consequence.
Think about the next thing you do, and decide how the CHOICE might effect YOUR CONSEQUENCES later in life.
There was this girl, and on her 21st birthday all her friends took her camping. This will be so much fun everyone said. Her boyfriend said we can get some liquor and a couple joints, get high around the fire. Okay, this really wasn't much different than most nights except they went camping.
Here's the scene: 3 couples, all early 20's. One says to the girl, "I got you something special for your birthday." She asks what. Cocaine he says, 'you're gonna love it!" She said, "not interested really, not my thing."
"Have you ever tried it?"
"No"
"How do you know?"
"Just not interested, can't we just smoke a joint?"
"Sure after we do this line."
Then everyone else is chiming in:
"you'll love it." "it's great."
"You can't get addicted with one line!"
"come on, come on"
"Chicken!!-It's your birthday."
Peer pressure won, she liked it. It was a good time. It was a HER choice to give in to the peer pressure. A CHOICE.
Fast forward 20 years later: She's clean, has a good kid, great life, good job, husband, etc. But needs a quick $400 for her hobby. Her daughter says, "Come on, come with me we will donate plasma together!!! It's safe and you'll have your money in 5 weeks. And its for a good cause"
"Hmmmmm...never thought of that. Definitely easier than getting another job. Ok, she said."
At the plasma center it's not like you just walk in and donate blood, it's much, much more intricate. You have to watch videos, answer a bunch of questions, go through a short physical, make sure your heart rate is good, protein and iron are all good numbers.
During the question session, you are asked a series of questions similar to donating, however, one question stopped her "Have you ever snorted cocaine up your nose?"
This is the scenario in her head (20 yrs ago? who's gonna know? does it matter? do I care?) Then came the judgement-(look at all these people here...just to get a fix, why should she answer yes?)
The CHOICE was hers. She answered Yes. A CHOICE!
Get through the heart rate, blood pressure check, daughter cheering her on, go in for the physical and the nurse says....'oh no, honey, I'm so sorry. We've all done it.'
She quietly asks "it's because I answered yes to the cocaine question, isn't it?'
Nurse, "Yes, but it's ok, we really have all tried it, it's ok. I can see that you are cleaned up, I know your daughter. It happens, peer pressure.--But I'm sorry you cannot donate."
There I sit, in my work clothes that represent where I work, my 19 year old daughter in line behind the door waiting, cheering me on. Excited that I'm going to get a new sewing machine. And I'm crying like a 2 year old, ashamed by my choices, but understanding the consequences.
Leaving quickly, so as to not be seen, my daughter asks what is wrong and I just say that we will talk when she gets home. I love you Anna. Love you too Mom. It'll be ok.
No matter what, there's always a choice, and for every choice somewhere down that line there will be a consequence.
Think about the next thing you do, and decide how the CHOICE might effect YOUR CONSEQUENCES later in life.
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
That one moment
Do you remember that one time (at band camp)-that the words you said came out of your mouth and you wanted to sink into a hole? Maybe that happens a lot. My dad taught me to think before I speak, and for the most part I do.
But what about that one moment you walked away and didn't tell someone how you really felt. See I have a brother who is one cool dude, but he doesn't talk much. It's just part of his personality and there are a lot of times I feel really stupid by saying I love you. But if I walk out that door without saying, I regret it every time. I tell everyone else I love them every time I see them. His response is usually a grunt, it kinda stings, we save ourselves these little pricks. Don't we?
Here's a story about my amazing mother-in-law, Doris. Before we go on, let me tell you she is really amazing. I really, really got lucky. As sweet as they come as long as you don't hurt her kids or grandkids...
I only know this story by bits and pieces from what my husband has told me and I will definitely spare any negativity, but my only wish is to make one think about what they say, or how they act.
Doris has 2 brothers, both older. One lives next door, the other has passed away in recent years. When my husband was much younger there was a family tiff--oh, this happens all the time I know--but, this brother chose to stay away from his sister and her kids. My husband, Kevin, is pretty sure that if his uncle had been around more they'd have been really, really tight. But the story is about how this affected Doris. She talked to him on the phone occasionally, but things never got right again. Until the last couple years, he moved back to the homefront. Kevin and I had been married several years, daughter, grandkids all in high school. Nephews all grown up. He went in for a routine procedure, bypass surgery. He died 3 days later. Her loss was incredible. Not only for the life, but for the years lost. She still has a message on her answering machine, he told her he loved her.
So, before you walk out that door angry, before you get mad at something that will mean nothing in 2 days or 2 weeks. If that person means anything to you, just apologize, talk it out. Communication. And please think about the consequences you may cause by your actions.
But what about that one moment you walked away and didn't tell someone how you really felt. See I have a brother who is one cool dude, but he doesn't talk much. It's just part of his personality and there are a lot of times I feel really stupid by saying I love you. But if I walk out that door without saying, I regret it every time. I tell everyone else I love them every time I see them. His response is usually a grunt, it kinda stings, we save ourselves these little pricks. Don't we?
Here's a story about my amazing mother-in-law, Doris. Before we go on, let me tell you she is really amazing. I really, really got lucky. As sweet as they come as long as you don't hurt her kids or grandkids...
I only know this story by bits and pieces from what my husband has told me and I will definitely spare any negativity, but my only wish is to make one think about what they say, or how they act.
Doris has 2 brothers, both older. One lives next door, the other has passed away in recent years. When my husband was much younger there was a family tiff--oh, this happens all the time I know--but, this brother chose to stay away from his sister and her kids. My husband, Kevin, is pretty sure that if his uncle had been around more they'd have been really, really tight. But the story is about how this affected Doris. She talked to him on the phone occasionally, but things never got right again. Until the last couple years, he moved back to the homefront. Kevin and I had been married several years, daughter, grandkids all in high school. Nephews all grown up. He went in for a routine procedure, bypass surgery. He died 3 days later. Her loss was incredible. Not only for the life, but for the years lost. She still has a message on her answering machine, he told her he loved her.
So, before you walk out that door angry, before you get mad at something that will mean nothing in 2 days or 2 weeks. If that person means anything to you, just apologize, talk it out. Communication. And please think about the consequences you may cause by your actions.
Friday, January 23, 2015
Out of sight, Out of mind
Out of sight, out of mind.
So many people live this way. Does that mean that they refuse God? He is out of sight. Do we only see Him when we are at church? When we see a cross? Or when, perhaps, someone asks us to pray for a loved one?
Here's another question, do you really take the time out to pray for that loved one? Or is it just an automatic reply? Do you stop that moment, no matter what you are doing and say a prayer? Or again, out of sight, out of mind. You mean well. I find myself jotting down peoples names or a note, that means nothing to someone who sees it, but to me it is a reminder. Pray for them.
We don't see Satan, yet we believe in his works more than The Lord's work. Why is that? Is it really easier to believe and follow the bad, than to follow the word of the Bible. Again, both are out of sight, but perhaps not out of mind.
This phrase has been in my mind a lot lately, and a lot over the last 5-6 years. I see fatherless children, out of sight, out of mind. I see brothers and sisters, not communicating. Out of sight, out of mind. Or maybe it's a split second thought and you chose to push it away. Maybe you really have good intentions.
Best friends....Women seem to be more out of sight, but never out of mind.
Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, these are the people of your life that have been there, that make you who you are.
Let's go back to God and try to remember to focus more on the out of sight. Remember to pray for those you casually say 'I'll say a prayer for you and your family.' Keep at the forefront of your mind who the great Creator is, and He is in your sights, if only you will just be quiet, be still you will hear Him telling you how to do His work. You will hear what He is asking of you.
I think perhaps we should all be more aware of our minds, not our sights.
So many people live this way. Does that mean that they refuse God? He is out of sight. Do we only see Him when we are at church? When we see a cross? Or when, perhaps, someone asks us to pray for a loved one?
Here's another question, do you really take the time out to pray for that loved one? Or is it just an automatic reply? Do you stop that moment, no matter what you are doing and say a prayer? Or again, out of sight, out of mind. You mean well. I find myself jotting down peoples names or a note, that means nothing to someone who sees it, but to me it is a reminder. Pray for them.
We don't see Satan, yet we believe in his works more than The Lord's work. Why is that? Is it really easier to believe and follow the bad, than to follow the word of the Bible. Again, both are out of sight, but perhaps not out of mind.
This phrase has been in my mind a lot lately, and a lot over the last 5-6 years. I see fatherless children, out of sight, out of mind. I see brothers and sisters, not communicating. Out of sight, out of mind. Or maybe it's a split second thought and you chose to push it away. Maybe you really have good intentions.
Best friends....Women seem to be more out of sight, but never out of mind.
Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, these are the people of your life that have been there, that make you who you are.
Let's go back to God and try to remember to focus more on the out of sight. Remember to pray for those you casually say 'I'll say a prayer for you and your family.' Keep at the forefront of your mind who the great Creator is, and He is in your sights, if only you will just be quiet, be still you will hear Him telling you how to do His work. You will hear what He is asking of you.
I think perhaps we should all be more aware of our minds, not our sights.
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
When your heart catches up
Recently, I lost my stepfather. Now I know, most of you are like, eh....stepparents suck. I got lucky. Both my mother and father married great people. My mom remarried when i was 13. His name is Keith. He was a very big dude with an earring and a ponytail. Carried a gun and loved my mom more than life itself. He had an amazing sense of humor. He taught my brother and I how to laugh at our own mistakes. How to not be worried about others thoughts of us. He came with no kids, or knowledge of kids. But didn't hesitate to open his heart to us and marry the full package. (interestingly enough, my husband did the same thing). I had always asked my mom if there were any more Keith's out there for me.
Keith would sing with my mom in public places, he'd dance with her to elevator music. He made her laugh all the time. My mom is so beautiful and laughing just made her even more so.
After many years, Keith became ill. He has had several illnesses and perhaps through this blog I will share some of these diagnosis with you.
Keith James Doughty went to The Lord on December 16, 2014 at the young age of 61. The doctors told us there wasn't much more they could do. We called hospice, less than 24 hours later he was gone.
I have a brother who's currently living with my mom, a blessing in disguise. However, he was there at Keiths worst and saw how bad he was. His role, became to keep mom grounded. 'Mom, are you wearing shoes? Mom, you need to eat. Mom, what bills need to be paid?' He drove her to the places that had to be visited. His role, again, to take care of Mom.
I have a 20 year old daughter, that was his biggest buddy. The only grandchild. She's in her 2nd year of college. During Thanksgiving Break he was in quarantine due to chemo treatments and she couldn't hug him. She begged for 2 more weeks, get through finals, so she could see him again. He was still in the hospital the day she came home for Christmas Break. She never left his side. She got 2 good days, lots of hugs, tears, and advice from her Granpa. 'Don't be sad, don't you be sad, well, maybe you can be a little sad, but don't you be sad!!!'
I think this is the longest holiday break of her life. There were no gifts, no trees, no Thanksgiving, no Christmas.
My role, make the phone calls, make the arrangements. Make sure my brother knew where my mom needed to be and when. My role, take care of the big stuff. I carried the same pen and notebook around for 5 days. Everything is in it, from phone numbers to carry out orders, to the list of songs played at the funeral. My role, stay strong, no faultering. Make sure every detail is right. My role, the thank you cards. These are slow going out and I'm sorry for that. My role, do not flip out.
I stopped by my mom's house the other day to pick up something my daughter left at her home. This was the first day after the holidays, she came home to an empty house. My brother went back to work. She was crying. As I held her she said to me:
"Your brain can trick you into thinking he's still in the hospital, or at home taking a nap, or he is in the hospital. But then your heart catches up and you realize that he's gone.'
She said 'How am I supposed to live without him?'
I do not have these answers, nor do I have the answers to my own questions.
My heart is catching up too.
Keith would sing with my mom in public places, he'd dance with her to elevator music. He made her laugh all the time. My mom is so beautiful and laughing just made her even more so.
After many years, Keith became ill. He has had several illnesses and perhaps through this blog I will share some of these diagnosis with you.
Keith James Doughty went to The Lord on December 16, 2014 at the young age of 61. The doctors told us there wasn't much more they could do. We called hospice, less than 24 hours later he was gone.
I have a brother who's currently living with my mom, a blessing in disguise. However, he was there at Keiths worst and saw how bad he was. His role, became to keep mom grounded. 'Mom, are you wearing shoes? Mom, you need to eat. Mom, what bills need to be paid?' He drove her to the places that had to be visited. His role, again, to take care of Mom.
I have a 20 year old daughter, that was his biggest buddy. The only grandchild. She's in her 2nd year of college. During Thanksgiving Break he was in quarantine due to chemo treatments and she couldn't hug him. She begged for 2 more weeks, get through finals, so she could see him again. He was still in the hospital the day she came home for Christmas Break. She never left his side. She got 2 good days, lots of hugs, tears, and advice from her Granpa. 'Don't be sad, don't you be sad, well, maybe you can be a little sad, but don't you be sad!!!'
I think this is the longest holiday break of her life. There were no gifts, no trees, no Thanksgiving, no Christmas.
My role, make the phone calls, make the arrangements. Make sure my brother knew where my mom needed to be and when. My role, take care of the big stuff. I carried the same pen and notebook around for 5 days. Everything is in it, from phone numbers to carry out orders, to the list of songs played at the funeral. My role, stay strong, no faultering. Make sure every detail is right. My role, the thank you cards. These are slow going out and I'm sorry for that. My role, do not flip out.
I stopped by my mom's house the other day to pick up something my daughter left at her home. This was the first day after the holidays, she came home to an empty house. My brother went back to work. She was crying. As I held her she said to me:
"Your brain can trick you into thinking he's still in the hospital, or at home taking a nap, or he is in the hospital. But then your heart catches up and you realize that he's gone.'
She said 'How am I supposed to live without him?'
I do not have these answers, nor do I have the answers to my own questions.
My heart is catching up too.
Monday, January 5, 2015
How it began
I am 39 years old. 11 years ago my husband asked me to marry him on my birthday. I said yes on the terms that I would only marry him if he agreed to get married on New Year's Eve. Sounded silly to him, and he asked me why. See I'd been married twice before. My response, a New Year, a New Beginning, a New Life. I knew he was the one. It had to be done right. My daughter was almost 8. He had never even dated a girl with a child, now he was asking for an instant family. BAM!! Not an easy decision. I've only known one other woman that married the man that was perfect for her, that is my mom.
After 11 years, some good, some bad we've grown into a relationship with God we never even dreamed was possible. Which in turn gave us the opportunity to fall in love with each other even more, every day.
This blog is an idea of his. Evidently, he believes I have things to share that other people might want to know. So today, I begin my journey. I'm not a writer, nor have I had the desire to be so. However, I am a realist, and have the ability to look at the view from someone else's shoes almost too easily. Very seldom do I have anything profound to say. Again, my husband believes that I should jump on this ship and ride it out. Why not right? What do I have to lose?
After 11 years, some good, some bad we've grown into a relationship with God we never even dreamed was possible. Which in turn gave us the opportunity to fall in love with each other even more, every day.
This blog is an idea of his. Evidently, he believes I have things to share that other people might want to know. So today, I begin my journey. I'm not a writer, nor have I had the desire to be so. However, I am a realist, and have the ability to look at the view from someone else's shoes almost too easily. Very seldom do I have anything profound to say. Again, my husband believes that I should jump on this ship and ride it out. Why not right? What do I have to lose?
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